My secrets consume me. . .

I want to write all my secrets down someplace. Someplace safe, where no one else could ever find them. But I can't. I'm too scared somebody will find them. My secrets are what separate me from other people. So I don't want anyone else to know. I hate my secrets. They make me feel like I'm not worth anything. Everyone has secrets. I just wish I could tell someone else my secrets so that they weren't all on my shoulders, weighing me down.

I still love you. How much longer till you don't matter to me?

Once we stopped talking I started getting these huge headaches. That was almost two weeks ago . I never thought of it at the time that it might be related to you. Today it was getting so bad I thought about calling a doctor. This afternoon you texted me. Not because you wanted something, but just to talk. My head stopped hurting. My head feels perfectly fine now. This almost scared me. I don't want you back. But I'm still so in love. Knowing you're with someone else hurts me so bad. I can't stop remembering you holding me. Looking into my eyes. Sleeping with me. Telling me you loved me. But thats the thing. . you 'loved' me. Not anymore. It's over for good. I just wish you would hold me one more time. I wish I could feel you breathing on neck, and telling me you needed me. I loved being loved. It made me feel good. I never felt lonely. Now I'm lonelier than ever. And I hate it. I wish someone else to replace you. I'm so scared I'm going to compare every new boy to you. And if they don't measure up to you then their no good. I just wish we never met. I know you shouldn't ever regret something that once made you happy, but I think this was a bad happy. Or was it? I don't know. But I do know that I truly do miss you, I can only hope that you miss me too. The tears coming running down my face when I think of how we used to be. It wasn't me and you but it was us. I miss us. I hate you for making me fall in love you. We once talked about their being a forever. Forever is a very long time and I don't think either one of us was able to wrap our heads around the thought of forever. I miss the me I was with you. I remember you running your hand down my leg and feeling the scars, the cuts, and I wish you would have walked away then. How could you keep going even when you knew they were your fault. I Love you so much, you'll never understand. I just wanted to save you, and I was doing a pretty good job until I walked away. Our breakup is my fault. I just wish you would have tried so much to keep me.