Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met. . .

I miss you a whole bunch. I miss everything you were to me. I didn't realized what I had when I had you. You told me all the things I wanted to hear. And I never made it seem like it was good enough. I'm sorry I never told you anything you wanted to hear. I regret not making more of the time I had with you. I think maybe I didn't appreciate you very much is because of what happened. Inside I screaming no! I told you no. But you never listened. You just kept asking me. And pushing me into it. This made me almost you. You should have known better but I guess it didn't bother you. How could run your hands down my leg, feels the scares, and still doing it. I hate you this. But I'm madly in love with you still, because of the laughs we shared, and the moments you made me feel so safe. I wish you wouldn't have done that to me. At least it's in the past and we don't even speak anymore.

My secrets consume me. . .

I want to write all my secrets down someplace. Someplace safe, where no one else could ever find them. But I can't. I'm too scared somebody will find them. My secrets are what separate me from other people. So I don't want anyone else to know. I hate my secrets. They make me feel like I'm not worth anything. Everyone has secrets. I just wish I could tell someone else my secrets so that they weren't all on my shoulders, weighing me down.

I still love you. How much longer till you don't matter to me?

Once we stopped talking I started getting these huge headaches. That was almost two weeks ago . I never thought of it at the time that it might be related to you. Today it was getting so bad I thought about calling a doctor. This afternoon you texted me. Not because you wanted something, but just to talk. My head stopped hurting. My head feels perfectly fine now. This almost scared me. I don't want you back. But I'm still so in love. Knowing you're with someone else hurts me so bad. I can't stop remembering you holding me. Looking into my eyes. Sleeping with me. Telling me you loved me. But thats the thing. . you 'loved' me. Not anymore. It's over for good. I just wish you would hold me one more time. I wish I could feel you breathing on neck, and telling me you needed me. I loved being loved. It made me feel good. I never felt lonely. Now I'm lonelier than ever. And I hate it. I wish someone else to replace you. I'm so scared I'm going to compare every new boy to you. And if they don't measure up to you then their no good. I just wish we never met. I know you shouldn't ever regret something that once made you happy, but I think this was a bad happy. Or was it? I don't know. But I do know that I truly do miss you, I can only hope that you miss me too. The tears coming running down my face when I think of how we used to be. It wasn't me and you but it was us. I miss us. I hate you for making me fall in love you. We once talked about their being a forever. Forever is a very long time and I don't think either one of us was able to wrap our heads around the thought of forever. I miss the me I was with you. I remember you running your hand down my leg and feeling the scars, the cuts, and I wish you would have walked away then. How could you keep going even when you knew they were your fault. I Love you so much, you'll never understand. I just wanted to save you, and I was doing a pretty good job until I walked away. Our breakup is my fault. I just wish you would have tried so much to keep me.

The confusion is killing me from the inside out . . .

So much chaos going on. My head is spinning faster and faster. It' hard for me to think. All these question I'm being asked are filling up my head and I feel like I'm drowning. All I want is to be saved but I don't see many superhero's around. You're asking me all this stuff but I don't have the answer. There is no answer. I just wish you could understand that. I'm still drowning, and acting on impulse isn't working out so well. Walking on the street in darkness is making me feel lonelier than ever. As I reflect on this night I remember one good thing. I remember a boy, he was nice and kind I tried to be a little close to him but it wasn't working so well, seeing as another boy was in the way. I will try again to be close to my new found friend whom is pretty cute. But as I walk on this dark road the cold is making itself home on my body. I found my hero. He came to save me. I do like this boy but I'm not to sure if he's for me. The boy I really want isn't making much effort, but some. The one I kinda like is liking me more and more. I dunno how much I'm leading him on but it's not nearly as much as I'm trying to lead the first boy on. But then theres that other boy whom is still in the way. slowly but surely I loosing him, I'm sad about this but it's not overly bothering me. Now that my hero picked me up, he's taking me to my home. I hate my home, but it's better than where I was. As I thank him, my brain is spinning. I feel like dying. How do I get the one I really want? If he doesn't work out than I've the other I sorta like. But he's not quite as good. And maybe none of it will work out. Maybe the problem one will get in the way to much more. As I walk in the door I feel upset I didn't do more with my night. But then I remember how I did the right thing by one of my acts of impulse. Leaving the boy in the way was perfect. How could I be so inconsiderate of him though? I guess it doesn't matter because I don't actually care about him. I used to though. He used to be the only thing I cared about. Now I just care about using to find some new loves. He's messing with my head, and getting me all emotional. Care turn to love, love into lust, lust into hate, hate into . . . The End . . .

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. . .

That first feeling when you close your eyes, the feeling of extreme relaxation. Then you do not know which way is up, which way is down, left, or right. Then your mind starts wonder. It reflects on your day, the things you said, the feelings you felt, and the pain/happiness that occurred. But out of all the wondering your brain is doing, it's constantly thinking about one person in particular. That person you want to tell your secrets to, your adventures to, your feelings to. Your body then wakes up, and you can't fall asleep anymore because all you want at the that moment is to talk to that person. Deep down inside you just want to tell them how much you need them, want them, love them. But your not brave enough to say these feelings to the person so you keep it to yourself, and close your eyes, and try to fall asleep all over again.

Its never bad enough to just leave or give up but it's never good enough to feel right...

Why would I let you go even when you told you didn't wanna loose me. You were my life for almost a year. We laughed together, cried together, and spent endless hours together. Why am I giving up. Is there just nothing left inside me. I can't believe I'm giving you up even though you once made me so happy. Your all I think about. You've told me the sweetest things I ever heard, never have I ever been closer to another person. You were my best friend, and also my boyfriend. But of course I ruined both of those. I didn't feel like I wanted you anymore, I feel now like I need you.. But I don't know how to just be your friend. In a way we skipped that part. Its never bad enough to just leave or give up but it's never good enough to feel right. I'm so in love with you, but I hate you more than anything. Your not what I want in a guy, so why can't I just say goodbye. Is it because maybe I actually was in love with you? What ever happens I don't want to end up saying I wish I would have done that differently. I'm sorry for the things I've said/done. But sometimes it just feels necessary to get my point across. I miss you, and I just wish you'd tell me how you truly felt.

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.

I want you. But we can't be together. To many other hearts would be broken. You seem to be the only one that truly cares how I'm feeling throughout the day. You're the only one to remember my important dates and wish me luck on them. You're the sweetest guy I've ever met, you're the nicest, smartest, most caring, most respectful.. And just the most of everything I've ever wanted. You seem to have so much going for yourself, except the woman portion. Why can't you see that I want to be with you, that I'm almost in love with you.. That you are everything I've ever wanted in a man. Is it me? Am I not what you want. By the way you talk it sounds like we both want the same things out of life, you sound like you like me. But why do you not act upon it. Maybe someday you'll see that I've always wanted you. But for now I don't know how to show you. Perhaps it's not meant to be, but perhaps it is meant to be. No one could ever know for sure. What I do know is that I think you are amazing, and I could only hope that one day you would open your eyes and see me in the same way I see you. Wake up soon friend, I'll be waiting. But I can't wait forever. Forever is to long to be without love. Love makes the world go 'round. For as long as the world is turning I'll be searching for my true love, right now I think it may be you, but I am not sure you have starting looking yet. Once you do, remember I'm here, a little bit lonely, and looking for someone to enjoy the world with me, and embrace the short years we have left in this wonderland.