Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met. . .
I miss you a whole bunch. I miss everything you were to me. I didn't realized what I had when I had you. You told me all the things I wanted to hear. And I never made it seem like it was good enough. I'm sorry I never told you anything you wanted to hear. I regret not making more of the time I had with you. I think maybe I didn't appreciate you very much is because of what happened. Inside I screaming no! I told you no. But you never listened. You just kept asking me. And pushing me into it. This made me almost you. You should have known better but I guess it didn't bother you. How could run your hands down my leg, feels the scares, and still doing it. I hate you this. But I'm madly in love with you still, because of the laughs we shared, and the moments you made me feel so safe. I wish you wouldn't have done that to me. At least it's in the past and we don't even speak anymore.
Monday, May 24, 2010
My secrets consume me. . .
I want to write all my secrets down someplace. Someplace safe, where no one else could ever find them. But I can't. I'm too scared somebody will find them. My secrets are what separate me from other people. So I don't want anyone else to know. I hate my secrets. They make me feel like I'm not worth anything. Everyone has secrets. I just wish I could tell someone else my secrets so that they weren't all on my shoulders, weighing me down.
Monday, May 10, 2010
I still love you. How much longer till you don't matter to me?
Once we stopped talking I started getting these huge headaches. That was almost two weeks ago . I never thought of it at the time that it might be related to you. Today it was getting so bad I thought about calling a doctor. This afternoon you texted me. Not because you wanted something, but just to talk. My head stopped hurting. My head feels perfectly fine now. This almost scared me. I don't want you back. But I'm still so in love. Knowing you're with someone else hurts me so bad. I can't stop remembering you holding me. Looking into my eyes. Sleeping with me. Telling me you loved me. But thats the thing. . you 'loved' me. Not anymore. It's over for good. I just wish you would hold me one more time. I wish I could feel you breathing on neck, and telling me you needed me. I loved being loved. It made me feel good. I never felt lonely. Now I'm lonelier than ever. And I hate it. I wish someone else to replace you. I'm so scared I'm going to compare every new boy to you. And if they don't measure up to you then their no good. I just wish we never met. I know you shouldn't ever regret something that once made you happy, but I think this was a bad happy. Or was it? I don't know. But I do know that I truly do miss you, I can only hope that you miss me too. The tears coming running down my face when I think of how we used to be. It wasn't me and you but it was us. I miss us. I hate you for making me fall in love you. We once talked about their being a forever. Forever is a very long time and I don't think either one of us was able to wrap our heads around the thought of forever. I miss the me I was with you. I remember you running your hand down my leg and feeling the scars, the cuts, and I wish you would have walked away then. How could you keep going even when you knew they were your fault. I Love you so much, you'll never understand. I just wanted to save you, and I was doing a pretty good job until I walked away. Our breakup is my fault. I just wish you would have tried so much to keep me.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The confusion is killing me from the inside out . . .
So much chaos going on. My head is spinning faster and faster. It' hard for me to think. All these question I'm being asked are filling up my head and I feel like I'm drowning. All I want is to be saved but I don't see many superhero's around. You're asking me all this stuff but I don't have the answer. There is no answer. I just wish you could understand that. I'm still drowning, and acting on impulse isn't working out so well. Walking on the street in darkness is making me feel lonelier than ever. As I reflect on this night I remember one good thing. I remember a boy, he was nice and kind I tried to be a little close to him but it wasn't working so well, seeing as another boy was in the way. I will try again to be close to my new found friend whom is pretty cute. But as I walk on this dark road the cold is making itself home on my body. I found my hero. He came to save me. I do like this boy but I'm not to sure if he's for me. The boy I really want isn't making much effort, but some. The one I kinda like is liking me more and more. I dunno how much I'm leading him on but it's not nearly as much as I'm trying to lead the first boy on. But then theres that other boy whom is still in the way. slowly but surely I loosing him, I'm sad about this but it's not overly bothering me. Now that my hero picked me up, he's taking me to my home. I hate my home, but it's better than where I was. As I thank him, my brain is spinning. I feel like dying. How do I get the one I really want? If he doesn't work out than I've the other I sorta like. But he's not quite as good. And maybe none of it will work out. Maybe the problem one will get in the way to much more. As I walk in the door I feel upset I didn't do more with my night. But then I remember how I did the right thing by one of my acts of impulse. Leaving the boy in the way was perfect. How could I be so inconsiderate of him though? I guess it doesn't matter because I don't actually care about him. I used to though. He used to be the only thing I cared about. Now I just care about using to find some new loves. He's messing with my head, and getting me all emotional. Care turn to love, love into lust, lust into hate, hate into . . . The End . . .
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. . .
That first feeling when you close your eyes, the feeling of extreme relaxation. Then you do not know which way is up, which way is down, left, or right. Then your mind starts wonder. It reflects on your day, the things you said, the feelings you felt, and the pain/happiness that occurred. But out of all the wondering your brain is doing, it's constantly thinking about one person in particular. That person you want to tell your secrets to, your adventures to, your feelings to. Your body then wakes up, and you can't fall asleep anymore because all you want at the that moment is to talk to that person. Deep down inside you just want to tell them how much you need them, want them, love them. But your not brave enough to say these feelings to the person so you keep it to yourself, and close your eyes, and try to fall asleep all over again.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Its never bad enough to just leave or give up but it's never good enough to feel right...
Saturday, April 3, 2010
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)